So I wrote this whole long post about age appropriateness when it comes to clothing. Specifically women’s clothing. That I had to be subjected to. This morning. PRE-COFFEE.

It’s pretty damn snarky and mentions things like CLOWNS! and BOOBS!

Shoud I be a total snark and post it? In my BLOG!

UPDATE: Ok Cindy, this one’s for you.

Let’s talk about age/time/place appropriateness for a moment.

Now let’s say a woman has a pair of killer legs that look totally killer in a killer mini and killer 4″ heels (killer is the new “BLOG!”?). Now let’s say this woman is 45. Does that change anything?

What this really comes down to is are you for or against Madonna thrusting in a leotard at her age in the Hung Up video?

Ok I really just wanted to post that picture because I LOVE Madonna and the fact of the matter is no one in real life (IN REAL LIFE) could get away with wearing a leotard- killer body or not.

But IN REAL LIFE, if you look good and want to show it off (appropriately) honestly, I say go for it.

Because there is this woman who works near me who has a KILLER! wardrobe that accentuates her KILLER! body and she has got to be early to mid-40s. (Keep in mind this woman actually knows how to dress and sill look classy, not trashy.)

I can only hope to look as good as that woman and Madonna at their age. I mean, I live in reality and I know I probably won’t, but as least I’ll have the common sense to wear age/body appropriate clothing.

Cut to this morning and the horrific scene I witnessed:

First thing I notice is the Bozo skirt. A tiered black ultra-mini skirt covered in multi-colored polka dots. Trust me, even the cutest TODDLER (age appropriateness people) couldn’t make this skirt look cute. It was a CLOWN SKIRT.

Paired with a skin tight, sheer (read SEE THROUGH) black lace stretchy t-shirt that was ridiculously lowcut and had two pieces of fabric that tied (TIED!) in a bow (A BOW!) in the front (FRONT! .. uh wait) under the boobs (BOOBS!) to act as some kind of push up apparattus.

Oh it gets better.

The shoes. Are you ready? I don’t think you’re ready. Fine, but don’t say I didn’t warn you.

BROWN (BROWN!!!) PLATFORM (PLATFORM!!!) sandals with METALLIC GOLD ACCENTS.

There was neither brown nor gold anywhere else in this outfit. And the platforms? Completely unnecessary. Honey? Please.

The crowning glory (literally): the hair. Shoulder length black hair where more than half had gone gray. And not even like “I’m aging gracefully and won’t dye my hair, but I’ll still take care of it” hair. The gray portion of the hair was so course, and sticking in every which way, not even the DOZENS (yes dozens) of mini BUTTERFLY hairclips could keep it in line.

Seriously?

I’m all for acting only as old as you feel you are. Who wants to get old and crotchety (tee-hee crotch)? But there is a line. And I draw that line at clown skirts, horrible mismatched shoes and butterfly clips on what looked like a woman of at least 50 years old.

But even if this woman had some kind of Lifetime movie disease where she aged at 8 times the normal rate and she was really like 13 years old I would still want to slap her and say “What are you thinking? Obviously you are not.”

Because… really?

Artist’s Snarky Rendering

SO I’m not being the only snarky one today … worst outfit you’ve seen in a while? Links to illustrations encouraged.