This weekend (a four day!) was incredibly busy. It started with Thanksgiving, a small lovely holiday celebrated with my mother and sister. My favorite part was when my mom managed to cover the front wall of our kitchen with gravy. (My mother tends to get … stressed out on holidays. Even if it’s just me and my sister. And somehow some food always ends up on the walls or the floor.)

That night I needed to unwind, so I headed over to Quincy to see my boys Anthony, Hooker, Ted and Skip. They taught me poker, convinced me to throw in money and have a game of it. So I did what any girl in that situation would do: I kicked their asses and took their money.

After poker we headed over to continue drinking and do some karaoke. I remember very little of the rest of the night. What I do remember? Singing the uplifting Pat Benetar classic “Hell is for Children” followed by a classy duet with Hooker to Justin Timberlake’s Rock Your Body. Apparently he changed all the words and sang something rather filthy. And apparently I stopped mid-song to tell him that I hated him.

The night really hit its peak when our friend Dale? Dean? Don? (he’s not really my friend) fell out of his chair and spilled every beverage on our table when doing so. Or maybe it hit its peak when I yelled at our cab driver.

I’ll let you decide that.

Friday I woke up with a terrible hangover and nursed it with a greasy breakfast from our favorite local diner. That night I had to pull myself together because I was hired to photograph a 50th Anniversary Party. This party? No joke. It was nicer than most weddings I’ve been to.

Immediately following that party, I headed back to Quincy for a bachelorette party where we celebrated Tina’s last night out with a Rod Stewart impersonator. Still unable to even entertain the idea of drinking I entertained myself by yelling at random dudes to show Tina their balls. I had no idea there would be so many willing participants in that game. One dude who wouldn’t show them explained it’s because he “has an anaconda in my pants”. Thanks buddy.

And since I’m keeping it so very classy here, I may as well tell you what I did on Saturday night for Anthony’s birthday.

Me and the gang got all gussied up.

And, per Ant’s request, went to a strip club. In Brockton.

JAZZ HANDS!

Out of the 15 or so of us who went, only 4 of us had never been. Two things I should have done: Actually brought my glasses. I can’t see clearly past an arm’s length and the blur of people and skin everywhere is ridiculously overwhelming and frightening anyway, but especially if you can’t see a damn thing (or maybe it was just that we were in Brockton). And I should have never went to the ladies room because when those girls are getting ready they have the most depressing conversations ever. Like lack of health insurance, having to lose weight because costumes are getting too tight, but it doesn’t really matter because they don’t stay on for long anyway.

Oh god. I’m reliving all that depressing stuff all over again.

Sunday I spent babysitting Dahlia so that her parents could move into their new house. She is like a CHILD now. She walks, talks and doesn’t want you to put her in her car seat. Ever. And god forbid you try and get her to nap. You might as well go murder someone because that’s the sound she made when I suggested it.

Other than that, she was super sweet and I died when she said my name (which was more of a “Juh! Juh!” – but whatever, I’ll take it).

So there you have it, now you’re all caught up and I’m sure you’re happy you know my feelings on poker (love), Hooker (hate), strip clubs (strong dislike), and Dahlia (too old).

Happy Cyber-Monday everyone. Enjoy both your online holiday shopping and spending that holiday bonus you don’t know if you’re getting, haven’t recieved yet, but sure as hell act like you have.