Person in front of me: “I’ll have, let’s see, a Caramel MAH… Mackino? Is that how you say it? Oh Mah-key-ah-toe. That makes sense. Well I’ll have a medium of that. What? Oh GRAAAAANDE. I’m not that fancy. Ok so, I want a mah-key-ah-to, but an UPSIDEDOWN one. Like no caramel on top. Put it in first – at the bottom. But yeah I still want it on top. I guess I really just want extra caramel. Especially at the bottom. Make sure you put the caramel in before the ice. Like get it right in there at the bottom of the cup. I like when I get to the bottom of the drink and there’s a little caramel left …….”

…. about two and half minutes elapses …

“…so you think you are finished and then HELLO! caramel! But anyway, my wife would like a Frappucino. That’s like frozen, right? Can she get caramel in that? Or is it made with caramel already in it? Well make that and put one of those squiggles at the top too. Oh wait you forgot the squiggle on mine! Make it look like tic tac toe!”

Starbucks employee, defeated: “Next?”

Me: “I’ll have a venti iced coffee.”

Starbucks employee: “Sweetened?”

Me: “No. Just black…. (chuckle) No caramel or anything.”

Starbucks employee smiles, then mouthes: “Thank you.”

* I’m allowed to make fun: a long time ago, in a land far away called “college”, I worked at a Starbucks. Which is why I feel pretty confident in saying that caramel, and all the drinks that utilize it, should go to hell. Or at the very least there should be a “Caramel Drinks Only” line. Though I’d feel bad for the sucker stuck working that one.