I’m sitting here snacking on yogurt with blueberries and strawberries and am literally surrounded by packaged donations for tomorrow’s Dinkstock ’09. Yup it’s tomorrow! Looking around, I feel very lucky to know such an amazing group of people who would go out of their way to donate such amazing stuff.

If you’re a follower of my blog, I’m sure you’ve at least stopped by Danielle’s blog, and some of you may already know that as of Wednesday she 100% officially does not have cancer.

She doesn’t have cancer.

Surely that sentence should be in bold type. OR AT LEAST ALL CAPS. With an obscene amount of exclamation points following it!!!! You would have thought I would have been on here blogging away and screaming about how fantastic this is. I mean, after a year of hell, it turns out one of my closest friends in the world doesn’t have cancer!

And what I’m about to say is probably going to confuse the hell out of you or make you think I’m a terrible person: I was not happy when I heard that news.

In fact, at first I didn’t know what to say. And then I was flooded with feelings of both complete sadness and absolute anger. I snapped back at my friends who said “AWESOME NEWS.” with “YOU DON’T EVEN KNOW WHAT YOU’RE TALKING ABOUT.”

I know, I’m horrible right?

Pretty much the only one who gets my viewpoint IS DANIELLE. I’m not saying I know what she’s going through, and I certainly haven’t suffered and agonized the past year as she has, but starting from the beginning, I’ve been with her for the last year of rushes to the ER, hospitals stays, organ removals. (Hell I sat in the ER and drank some of her barium because, if the rest of this entry hasn’t already told you, I’m weird like that.) I don’t know what it’s like, but I sure as hell know how exhausting and confusing and overwhelming that can be.

Here’s the deal and the reason behind such an insane comment like that: Cancer? Was an answer. Cancer has a checklist of what to do and how to fix it. Particularly the type of cancer (lymphoma) they were so certain she had. Cancer had a timeline and an end in sight. Cancer has treatments and, for this kind, success rates that are sky high.

Lupus, which Danielle was diagnosed with with she was 16, is a far trickier thing to deal with. Lupus? Quite frankly, is an asshole. There are different kinds of Lupus, it affects people in completely different ways and in the simplest way of describing it Lupus is one of a kind for people. No two people’s Lupus is alike. And for her, we’re not talking “Oh I have Lupus and sometimes my joints swell and I feel under the weather.” Danielle’s lupus, which they have determined to be the cause of all this mayhem for the past year, is angry and confusing and painful and life-altering. It is not an easily monitored, simple fix kind of Lupus. But, god, I wish it was.

Danielle is covered in hives. Constantly. She has fevers of 104. Regularly. Her platelets drop and she needs transfusions and complicated treatments. Monthly. She has been to the ER and admitted to the hospital in the past YEAR more times than most people will in their entire LIFE.

Do you know what her doctors have told her they can do for her hives and fevers is? Nothing. Do you know what the timeline for Lupus treatment is? INDEFINITE. Are there success rates? No. Are there mapped out treatments and checklists? No.

Now do you get it? I don’t WANT my friend to have cancer (that’s ridiculous), but I want her to be happy and healthy and I don’t want an illness to be a major part of her life INDEFINITELY.

Dinkstock was organized to help Danielle with her mounting hospital bills. Which she needs, now in this uncertain territory of how to treat this messed up disease, more than EVER.

If you are in the Quincy, MA area and can come – please stop by. The event is from 3 pm – 1 am (3 pm – 8 pm is ALL AGES so bring the fam!). It’s $10 to get in, there is a raffle and silent auction (raffle tickets are $1, buy 10 get 5 free!) (silent auction will be at 9:00 pm).

All the info you need is here: Dinkstock ’09. If you have any questions, hit me up here (or all my contact info is on that page). If you do stop by, be sure to come say hello!

Let’s pay off some stupid medical debt and rock out, yes? Yes.

Love you Dink!