I’m Making Duct Tape Across The Mouth the New “It” Accessory for Winter
Posted by Jenny on 10/24/06 in Daily, Single in the City
I have this problem where I speak in different self-invested slangs with different groups of friends.
If I were hanging out with my “Braintree” crew (Sarah, Jeannie, etc.), I could spot an annoying person across the bar and say “Sylvanus strike him down!” and we would all errupt into a fit of laughter. (Sylvanus, as in Sylvanus Thayer who was born in Braintree - our hometown - a General in the United States army, and his likeness stands in the form of a HUGE statue outside of Town Hall.) Yeah we are huge geeks, but hello, if you read this blog everyday you already know that.
When around my best guy pal Chris, we usually communicate solely in abbreviations and nonsense words, “DG! TP AINT B! Izz brown! Aint roll! IZZ AG. Oops you!”
Other than the “DG” which means “damn girl!”, there is no way I could even launch into a discussion about what the rest of that means. It’s taken years for us to perfect our secret twin language (we were both born on 12/24/80). But I am fairly certain the rest of our friends hate it.
While running with the “Edwards Crew” (Hooker, Ted, Kiley, Anthony, Desiree, etc.), we like to generously sprinkle our conversations with the word “douche”. It can be in a loving way: “I hate you, you douche. Come here and take a shot of tequlia with me and join in on this Billy Joel sing-a-long.” or in a not so loving way “Those douches were up until 5:30 am playing pool. I couldn’t frigging sleep because of their douchery.”
That one in particular I have to watch myself with. “Douche” rolls of the tongue a little too easily these days.
For example, last weekend, I was at a bar chatting up a pretty cute guy. We talked about music, about how much we hate the T, and about things to do in Boston. We were having a decent time and eventually exchanged phone numbers and all the while continuing to throw back more and more drinks.
When we hit one drink too many for Jenny, he ordered some disgusting mixed drink that involved Watermelon Pucker and I turned to him in all seriousness and said,
“Stop being a douche and order a man drink.”
Yeah.
And I wonder why he didn’t call.
Although, I lost his number before I even left the bar so he couldn’t have been all that great.
But really?
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sarah | Oct 24, 2006 | Reply
i’m sorry but a man who drinks Pucker pretty much IS a douche.
jon | Oct 24, 2006 | Reply
if you were ever to catch me drinking anything with “watermelon” or “pucker” in it PLEASE call me a douche. In fact, I think it would warrant tossing said drink in my face.
Jenny | Oct 24, 2006 | Reply
Well I’m glad the critics agree.
Yeah. Truth be told, I think he was a douche before the pucker….but a few bottles of beer and I’m everyone’s best friend.
erinire | Oct 24, 2006 | Reply
agreed. watermelon pucker = douchetastic
Jeff | Oct 24, 2006 | Reply
Ok..now I’m not a watermelon pucker fan..but no hackin on the mixed drink guys ;)
Joe | Oct 24, 2006 | Reply
“A few bottles of beer and I’m everyone’s best friend”.
Does WP have a quoteboard plug-in? B/c that one would is quoteboard worthy. Although, you’ve always been a walking quoteboard.
Jenny | Oct 24, 2006 | Reply
Haha I’m everyone’s best friend because I lose all concept of time, money and good judgement. So basically where a sober Jenny would be like “that guy is not really worth talking to” and ignore him, a few bottles of beer and I’m like “Let’s chat and let me buy you a whole bottle of Pucker!” unless I turn into surly drunk Jenny. That’s the one where I call everyone a douche. I’m glad I went surly Jenny on that guy.
joe c. | Oct 24, 2006 | Reply
I can relate. For some reason I seem to have developed what you might call “douche-bag Tourette’s syndrome” in which that unfortunate noun will escape my lips at inapporopriate times (are there any appropriate times?) for no apparent reason other than something will have reminded me of an utterly stupid thing I did somethime in the past. Self-directed, I guess.
Go figure.
Gee, your blog is sort of like group therapy…
Jenny | Oct 24, 2006 | Reply
haha I have a way with getting people to fess up. and to answer your question, YES there are appropriate times for bringing out the “d-word”. (note: I was going to say “yes there are appropriate times for bringing out the douche” but I actually caught myself this time)
Tacky | Oct 24, 2006 | Reply
I feel that there is never an inappropriate time to use the word douche.
Jenny | Oct 24, 2006 | Reply
Tacky, the more I think about it, the more I think you’re right.
hooker | Oct 24, 2006 | Reply
Yeah you don’t want a guy who willingly drinks Pucker. Douchemaster General.
Lewis | Oct 24, 2006 | Reply
I’ll give you props for the inclusion of Thayer into a blog post. Great summer camp for me growing up in Milton.
There should be nothing with fruit (except limes and lemons) in a man’s drink…end of story.
Franklin McMahon | Oct 24, 2006 | Reply
OK..I go for months if not years without hearing the word “douche” (maybe I need to piss people off more often) and now its everywhere I turn. I was just on a site today with a video from Jack Black
http://www.podcastingnews.com/2006/10/23/jack-black-on-pirating-music-dont-be-a-douche/
and the D word was a part of the presentation.
I think I am going to incorporate douche into my conversations this week..
Frank
Ezra | Oct 24, 2006 | Reply
I think hearing a girl call me a douche would make me more inclined to call her the next day. Does that make me wierd(er)?
Jenny | Oct 24, 2006 | Reply
Sorry Ezra, but yes.
Jenny | Oct 24, 2006 | Reply
Frank, I could change the caption on our photos to “Jenny and Frank being DOUCHES.”
hooker | Oct 24, 2006 | Reply
No it doesn’t.
the Dope | Oct 24, 2006 | Reply
Nothing is more emphatically insulting than my personal favorite the “DBF” : douche bag face. Of course, it was not my favorite when I was called that by a Joey Butafuco-looking man in a parking garage (tiger-striped pants, mullet…you get the picture). But I suppose like any other derogatory label, if you adopt it and slay it forward, its less powerful somehow.
Erin | Oct 24, 2006 | Reply
Hahahaha! Douche!
Ezra | Oct 24, 2006 | Reply
shut up douche!
shionge_ | Oct 24, 2006 | Reply
:D That’s so interesting.
Jenny | Oct 24, 2006 | Reply
Alleyesonjenny: 63% more douchery than any other site on the web.
Shannoxx | Oct 25, 2006 | Reply
Ya no, seriously the word douche is making a strong comeback. The big quesiton is why?
I always HATED the word douche bag… I would refuse to use it and would be very insulted when said in my general direction. Now it is within my top 3 commonly used vocabulary. With, of course, the F word as #1.
My most favorite use of the word Douche… Mc Douchies