Day Two: Craigslist Personals

Sometimes, when we’re bored and need a little entertaining, my friend Skip and I will persue the Craigslist personals and send each other links. Sometimes they’re serious, like “Hey Friend, you should write to this person.” and sometime they’re sarcastic “Hey Friend, now HERE IS THE CHICK FOR YOU…..She digs the taste of blood, Satan and - oh! It look like last week she preformed a marriage ceremony for wolves! Adorable.”

And every once and a while you’ll see an ad that makes you laugh out loud and make you think to yourself “I want to be friends with whoever this person is.”

Such was the ad I found yesterday. Posted by a seasoned veteran of the dating world … at the ripe old age of 22. This kid not only knows exactly what he wants, but exactly what you WON’T like about him and that’s his ad. Which to me, is genius.

I sent this to Skip and his only response was “AMAZING.”

And without further adeiu I present to you, my new best friend:

You know what, I’m not even going to try with trying to sell you on how kickass I am and all that good shit, because I already know that. No, rather I will tell you the things that you probably won’t like, here it is:

Your cat is an asshole and I hate it.
We already know your ex is a douchebag.
Family Guy is awesome.
Metal is awesomer \m/
I am an asshole.
Typical girly behavior makes me want to kill myself.
Whiny, complainy, bitchy, all reasons to murder you.
My apartment is small but cheap.
You will end up driving me to a drinking problem.
I like ‘em curvy (what, tits rule).
I have an obvious superiority complex.
I am messy, I probably won’t clean…ever.
You cannot be completely sane, no stalkers either.
I am overweight slightly, but love it, I’m not going to the gym with you, be happy with your appearance or lose weight, don’t drag me with you.
I am better than you at math.
I will make fun of you…a lot.

Still reading, you know what to do. This at least gave me something to do for five minutes.

I swear that’s a real ad. Titled “Scraping the Bottom of the Barrel”.

Out of sheer curiosity I want to contact this kid and find out what kind of response his ad got. Because if I were a 22 year old, not quite sane, \m/etal loving chick looking for love on the East side, I’d be all over this diamond in the rough.

After all Big said it best “After a while, you just want to be with the one who makes you laugh. “